Tuesday, 3 January 2012

Making love on the floorboards

As I was walking round a bend
I bumped into an ancient trend
Its name was love and I was trapped
As she threw me to her parquet

We made mad love upon the floor
We made foolish love against the door
She loved me as a horny wench
May god preserve and give me strength

To last the course of our love making
I ask for help
So pills
I’m taking...

Her endeavours do wear me out
And no matter how I scream and shout
I am not as vocal as her passion
For when in ecstasy at last I fashion

To make her beg and scratch and squeeze
When in orgasm I do please
This beautiful girl whom I met
And loved upon her parquet.

Sunday, 1 January 2012

A God called Pete

God lives in a two bed semi
just two doors down my street.
His mail is addressed to Jehovah
but we all call him Pete.

His wife looks like that Reese Witherspoon
and his son plays the guitar,
and upstairs in his attic
he's got his own sports bar.

Now. I'm not saying that he's odd,
but he has some funny quirks.
Like on Sunday he tends to sleep all day
and never goes to church.

I asked him about the afterlife,
and you know what he said?
“When your living your alive
and when your not your dead”.

But his lady is so lovely,
and she always looks content.
I guess if your name happens to be God
your lovemaking's heaven sent.

Six days that bugger worked, that's all,
and he gets the chicks.
Some place down the line you know
I think we all got gipped.

Nice work if you can get it,
Talk about a fix.
Reese Witherspoon riding yer willy
And sport on channel six.